MEMPHIS, Tenn. — Behind closed doors, yelling, throwing, punching and full-blown physical attacks.
“He would be driving down the street, and I would just punch him as he was driving,” said Deloris Johnson.
Roscoe and Deloris Johnson lived the nightmare.
Her anger and violent streak started early in their 37-year marriage.
Her victim became the man she loved.
“It wasn’t my make-up. If I had to be with her, put my hands on her and fight her, it was time for me to go,” said Roscoe Johnson. “I feel like this, anybody or anything you love, you don’t hurt. ”
So he endured the abuse, never letting on to others the turmoil in their home.
“Actually, I thought it was normal. The environment you are raised in dictates what you bring out,” said Roscoe Johnson.
Theirs is a story the Family Safety Center knows all too well.
“It’s 1 in 4 women in Memphis and Shelby County that will be the victim of domestic violence, but it’s 1 in 9 men. So it’s a huge number,” said Jordan Moore-Howard with the Family Safety Center of Memphis and Shelby County.
The Center said embarrassment usually makes men hide their secrets.
“They have this macho stereotype that people are gonna judge them or make fun of them,” said Moore-Howard.
It causes many to worry if anyone ‘wants’ to help.
Like the anonymous viewer who vented on WREG`s Facebook page saying he filed two orders of protection against his wife, but she was still able to bond out of jail by paying a mere $137.
“This is the most sexist thing I ever dealt with. No court support for men who suffer from domestic violence,” he said.
“Domestic violence is domestic violence,” said Theresa McCusker a Chief Prosecutor in the Domestic Violence Unit of the Shelby County District Attorney’s Office.
McCusker said men’s cases are not treated differently.
Women can and are prosecuted just like men.
In fact, she said in 24% of the domestic violence cases they try, the victims are men.
“Often an arrest is made, but we have to look at what proof do we have to show that this particular person committed this particular crime,” said McCusker. “Domestic assault or harassment or violation of an order of protection, all of those crimes under law are misdemeanors. They don’t carry much time. ”
The maximum punishment is 11 months and 29 days.
Officers called to domestic violence scenes decide how to handle things when there is no bodily injury or weapon involved.
Something the Johnsons know well.
“I hit him over the head with a lamp. They wanted to take me to jail. Of course, my husband being the protector, he smoothed it out for me, so they didn’t take me. I should have went,” said Deloris Johnson.
“Then the law enforcement comes and who is the one caught up. You in anger, you in rage. They are not listening to her, but she initiated it, hit you, punched you. So now you are out there. She just as calm because she knows if I calm down he is going to jail,” said Roscoe Johnson.
The Family Safety Center said it comes down to working with everyone from first responders to the courts.
With programs like Blue Print for Safety, which helps victims through the process, things are changing.
“Even if you have faced some obstacles, more and more men have to come forward because you are gonna make it better for all the men that come after you who you know are out there and are too afraid to step up. So they need other men who are willing to come forward,” said Moore-Howard.
The Johnsons got help and have made it their mission and ministry to help other couples.
“If we hadn’t given our lives to the Lord and God saved us, we wouldn’t be together,” said Roscoe Johnson.
“She needs help. You make her mad, she flys off the handle and starts throwing skillets; that’s not normal. Hitting your husband with a skillet is not normal. Wanting to scald somebody, that’s not normal,” said Delores Johnson.
The Shelby County District Attorney’s Office said of more than 8,200 domestic violence cases handled last year, 1,800 were cases where men were the victims.
The Family Safety Center of Memphis and Shelby County said there is 1-on-1 counseling, group therapy, help with orders of protection and even emergency housing for men just like for women.
Call 901-222-4400 if you need assistance.