MEMPHIS, Tenn. — At 48, Maddie Singer has finally found happiness.
‘When I get up in the morning, I look at myself in the mirror and I am happy with what I see,” said Singer.
She came to terms with what she has known since she was 6-years-old, when she was a boy, Matthew.
‘When I was in kindergarten, I just immediately gravitated toward things that were girl things,” said Maddie. “I was very sad and I kept imagining one day I could do something about it.”
Last year, Maddie, then Matthew, began her change to live as a woman.
Her biggest concern was her 8 and 12-year-old sons.
She wanted them to understand.
“I wanted them to be proud of me,” said Maddie. “For my kids, they got used to it. I told them to call me dad in public even though it would expose that I am a trans.”
Maddie divorced the boy’s mother years earlier, but always retained some form of visitation.
Now she says there is a push to remove the kids from her life all together.
“I was only allowed to talk to them on the phone Monday, Wednesday and Friday as a new rule, before they took away all my visitation,” said Maddie.
The case is in court right now.
Maddie can’t see the kids while Judge Gina Higgins decides visitation.
Maddie said her ex wants to take the boys away and Maddie’s gender change is being used to make it happen.
Marti Kaufman represents the ex-wife.
“The case has never been about Mattie Singer being transgender, never about sexual preference. It’s been about behavior,” said Kaufman.
She said it’s about the harassing messages Mattie has sent and inappropriate sleeping arrangements at Mattie’s home.
The Guardian Ad Litem representing the children, now wants to see Maddie’s medical records to determine her psychological health,
WREG found court records where Maddie was awarded primary custody of the children just two years ago.
“Why do they need access to my medical records? Because it is a witch hunt That`s all this is. This is not about protecting my boys from anything,” said Maddie. “It`s been devastating. I am worried how this will affect the boys relationship with me. I am worried it will affect them, worrying I rejected them.”
Maddie’s friend Eric Quick babysat the boys.
“They aren’t acting any differently. They don’t seem to be uncomfortable with her,” said Quick. “They need to be around her to get more comfortable with her. The separation only increases the strangeness.”
The issue of child custody and parental visitation in the transgender community is new ground.
The ACLU created a guide to help transgender people keep their children in their lives.
They say maintaining the child’s relationship with both parents is important and a parent concealing a core part of themselves harms everyone.
Psychologist K.T. Hiestand, works with The Memphis Gay and Lesbian Community Center and said like in Mattie’s case, parents must be themselves.
“As an unhappy individual she is not able to be a parent in the way she should be. For her to be healthy and the best woman and parent she can be, this is something she has to do,” said Hiestand.
What about the legal side?
Attorney Krista Holder-Williams is a guardian ad litem.
She is not on the Singer case, but said guardians must consider the impact on the children.
Still, there are limits.
“The right to raise your children is a fundamental right and the courts are not gonna step in and interfere with a fundamental right like that without having a basis,” said Williams.
Maddie Singer hopes the law falls on her side and hopes to find an attorney to help her tread this new ground.
“The idea I am no longer valuable to my children because I am the person I am supposed to be is just ridiculous,” said Maddie.
Mattie Singer said this is also about more than just her own case.
She said if she is stripped of her parenting because of concerns over her transition she worries what will happen to other transgender parents in the future.
